The Notebook
by Born to be free
Summary: I just wanted to see Steve do normal things like get drunk and accidently read Fifty Shades of Grey. This is what came from that.
1. The one where Steve is never happy

"Steve."

Steve groans.

"Steve."

Steve swats a hand, grumbling. "Bucky I am gonna…"

"Get up, punk, c'mon!"

"GOD DAMNIT WHAT!" Steve yells in frustration, flinging himself hastily off of the bed and swinging a hand towards anything within a three feet radius. He hopes just to clip Bucky, but only just. He doesn't.

Bucky grins cheekily just outside of Steve's reach, and affectionately holds Steve's angry face.

"Happy birthday!"

It's his birthday? Steve blinks up at Bucky who is way too chipper to be taken seriously at seven o'clock in the morning, blinks up at the clock to check it is indeed seven o'clock in the morning, and blinks at the calendar nailed rather poorly onto a shabbily painted wall.

"It's my birthday." He says more to himself than to the room at large.

Bucky ruffles Steve's hair and sits on the bed with him. "You don't sound too happy about that punk."

"You think the army will cut me some slack if I signed up today?"

"Nope." Bucky says flatly.

"Then I'm not happy."

Bucky throws a shirt at Steve's face. "Jeez, Steven. Come on. We're gonna celebrate. You ain't spending your birthday sulking around. Just be thankful you aren't sick this year either."

Steve halfheartedly pulls the shirt over his head, "Breakfast at the diner?"

Bucky grabs a comb from his drawers, "Toast, eggs and bacon."

"Stroll along the park?"

"Borrowed Jimmy's bicycle and Bart's kites."

"Fireworks-watching at the rooftop of the abandoned building by Port Street?"

Bucky looks at him pointedly, "Maybe I should change it up next year."

Steve chuckles, "But you won't."

"That's right," Bucky throws on a jacket and heads for the door, "I have to talk to Mrs. Jenkins for just a second – "

Steve pokes his head out of the bathroom door, "We late on rent again?"

"No."

"Buck…"

"Don't worry about it, I'll handle it okay?" Bucky says reassuringly, halfway through the door, "Just do me a favour?"

He chews his lower lip for a second and not another longer, Steve stares at him expectantly.

"Take a look under your bed"

With that, Bucky slips away out of the door and bounds down the stairs with the speed that could only be described as being military combat ready.

Steve graces Bucky about five minutes of reprieve – brushes his teeth, washes his face and faths around with his hair in an attempt to better how it looks – and then pads towards his bed, lifting the covers to peer under the frame. A package sits solely on the floor, wrapped in crisp, brown paper, twine curling around until it finishes off in a small, measly bow. Steve reaches for it and let's himself settle back onto the mattress, the present nestled on his lap and between his hands.

Steve works delicately, he doesn't want to rip the paper but he wants to see what it is. He feels an excitement he did not expect to feel and his fingers feel leather beneath them. It's a beautiful leather-bound notebook. Small, but pristine in the way it's made, the spine strong despite its size and his pages blank. Just by the corner of the cover is an engraved set of initials.

"S.R." Steve laughs under his breath. He opens the notebook gingerly and spots Bucky's handwriting on the first page.

 _Now you don't have to doodle on diner napkins. I'm sorry I couldn't get you some good pens too. On your next birthday, I promise._

When Bucky hears Steve descending down the stairs, he again thanks Mrs. Jenkins about the rent extension (Here's half of it but it's his birthday, I really wanted him to have something good) and bids her goodbye.

Bucky finds a leather corner peeking from Steve's jacket pocket.

Steve smiles at him, like there's nowhere we would rather be.

"Let's go."

Bucky smiles.

Months after, Bucky gets shipped out to the 107th. 32557. The number beginning with 32 meaning that he was drafted. Steve knew just shy before he went. He worked it out on his own. Guessed that Bucky didn't tell him so that Steve wouldn't have to go, knew that he probably wouldn't survive if Steve went instead of Bucky.

It's alright.

When Steve steps up to Dr. Abraham Erskine who has file of his declined files at hand, he has his notebook in his pockets.

When he finally gets a stamp on his file that does not say declined, he packs his notebook between folded shirts and childhood pictures (his parents, Bucky).

When he dons the new body and subsequently dons the new costume, he leaves the notebook behind (there is no room unfortunately, nor are there any pockets in the tights).

When he finds out about Bucky's infantry held in captivity, he steals a helmet from one of the girls (he also steals the notebook back after months of disregard).

When he presents his costume design to Howard Stark, he makes sure that there are pockets.

He had the notebook when he gets Bucky back – he has the notebook when he loses him yet again. He has the notebook tucked against his chest, the way he has Peggy's compass laid out before him as he plunges the aircraft deep into the ice.

When he wakes up seventy years into the future, the first thing they give him is not the shield or the costume but the notebook. When he sits in silence, in a room he doesn't know, he has the notebook laid out before him on the table. Memories of the past are the first thing that he clutches in this strange new world. He knows that he's not at his home because of the notebook.

The woman he first sees is all wrong, she's not like the woman drawn in the notebook. No woman of the forties would have her hair loose like that. Her tie is too wide, too long, a man's tie not a woman's. The bra, is wrong. Why does Steve notice that? A push up bra Steve later learned, and he just wants to scream EXCUSE ME MA'AM BUT THEY ARE NOT CONES, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? But he doesn't. He knows it to be impolite. He knows that's not what this situation calls.

He is the picture of composure as they tell him what's happened, he's confused and alone but he's composed. They tell him about the aliens and their want to join the Avengers. He goes along blindly. He doesn't have any other choices.

Seventy years ago Bucky dragged him to the Stark expo and showed Steve the wonders of technology. And now Steve is on a floating ship. He knows it's a Helicarrier. He knows that he's on his way to fight something he hasn't experienced or known of before. But he can't help but think, "Bucky would love this."

When he first meets his team he doesn't have any faith whatsoever, they aren't the Howling Commandos, he can't be a leader if he doesn't even know what day it is. He doesn't try to lead. He drags himself through meetings and fights and research, he keeps to himself and trusts that they'll have his back regardless of his distance. The notebook is still in his pockets, but he doesn't pull it out in front of the Avengers.

He categorizes the team in order to know them. All he knows are facts, statistics and pieces of conversation.

Bruce Banner: The Hulk. Could turn into a big green thing at will and very intelligent. The 'could turn into a big green thing' is a bit disturbing to him, to be honest.

Natasha Romanov: Black Widow. Could break his nose by flicking her hair and feisty. She reminds him of Peggy because of her strength and ability to make him able to respect woman in many, many different ways.

Clint Barton: Hawkeye. Very good with a bow and arrow, easily brainwashed and a good guy.

Thor Odin-son: God of Thunder. Can fly, wield a very powerful hammer and controls lightning. He identifies with him the most because he isn't from Earth but the difference between them is that Thor had been to Earth before and adjusted, while Steve had ten days.

Tony Stark: Ironman. He is a man in a suit of iron, intelligent and good with technology. Just like his father but more arrogant.

But Tony then nearly sacrifices himself, perfectly willing to die for all of them, and Steve's opinion of him changes. Just a little.

They win this fight. Steve still feels weird in this time. But he always has he notebook, which he adds to with sketches of the Avengers. Maybe they can be his new family, not replacing Bucky and the Howling Commandos, that is impossible, but being there nonetheless.

After the battle of New York he takes his time to know more about his past, hopefully that if he knows about it all he could move on from it.

He borrows, more like steals, SHIELD files and busies himself with just knowing more.

A new team of Howling Commandos were stationed in Russia after the war and along with Peggy Carter they infiltrated the Red Room academy. (He wants to ask Natasha more about that, but he doesn't know when the right time was). Afterwards, Dum Dum went back to Washington and became transfixed with a French Woman whom he had saw lounging around a pool on one of his outings with Robert Stark.

From the notes penned in his file Steve infers that it was a rather memorable encounter. One particular note is a section of conversation between Stark and Dum Dum:

S:"It's called a bikini."  
D:"'Bikini'? You invent it?"  
S: "No, the French."  
D:"'Bikini'..."

Steve has a good chuckle at that. He is shocked that he actually laughs at these files.

Dum Dum and the French woman went on to have six children and then seventeen grandchildren.

Gabe had found a girl, Steve barely recollects from one of their missions, and stayed in Europe with her.

Morita went back to California and married a school sweet heart. They had one son named Steve. He had to stop reading for a while after that revelation.

Falsworth and Dernier's files stated that they had joined different Intelligence teams and continued to help save the world in their own ways.

But they are all dead.

The only survivor is Peggy. Who barely remembered the date most days and that breaks his heart each time he sees her. The hour's passes unknowingly as he soaks up any and all knowledge that SHIELD had had on his friends. Peggy had the most since she had worked for SHIELD in the first place.

She had married about ten years after his death. He seemed like a nice guy, from the words on the paper, but Steve still hated him. He clamped down on those feelings and forced himself to continue reading, learning about how Peggy had helped to found SHIELD, her husband's death seven years ago, her daughter who now worked as a doctor in Chicago, and her current living situation, at a nursing home in Washington DC. He would have to visit her more often, after all he was in DC too.

He moves on from there, reaching out for the files on the formation of SHIELD – Howard and Peggy had worked together to found the organization, and he is desperate for any information he could get. He is homesick. He considered the past as his home. He would have to work on that, it wasn't his home anymore it was the past. This is his home now, the Avengers are his home now.


	2. The one in which Steve makes a list

He begs himself to move on from his stolen past, he has to move on. His notebook encourages to do so because he pens his list of what to do and find out about this new century. He fills the pages with words and possibilities, everything to do with the twenty first century. He doesn't look to the front where physical reminders of the things he's trying to move from. Bucky's face is in the front.

 _Catch up on TV and films._

He remembers the Stark issued laptop that Tony himself had had to teach Steve how to operate. It is a rectangle of confusion to him on most days, but the one thing he knows how to work (the one thing Tony had said over and over again to him) is Netflix.

So the next thing he does is watch Star Trek.

The older style of the space franchise appeals to him in a way that is incredibly familiar. He may be a man from the forties living in the modern age but he understands the limitations of a time long ago. Plus the TV show itself shows advanced, sophistical and peaceful civilizations who had yet to move towards destroying themselves, and those who already had. All types of races with all types of goals were displayed and Steve understands that. It is truly reflective of what he thinks of as the human race.

Then he watches Star Wars. This is a little harder to understand fully but Steve makes himself sit through it. As time wore on he understands how George Lucas' work can be and is considered a visual masterpiece. Besides that, it fully convinces Steve as to how the world had advanced and improved since his time in the ice.

The Godfather.

Fight Club.

Back to the Future.

The Matrix.

Forrest Gump.

Titanic

Titanic is a whole other story defined by one moment – The Moment. The one where Jack is clinging to the board, and Rose is telling him she'll never let go, and then he's cold and stiff and she's letting go. That Moment is when Steve's knuckles are white. He doesn't watch it after that. He doesn't want to. He hid in the bathroom after that and he can't quite breathe on his own. He remembers when Bucky fell and he can't stop seeing it when he remembers it again. He never forgot it but he pushed it into 'the don't think of' zone of his mind. He hasn't thought of it in a while. He let Bucky go. His head said he did. His heart said he didn't. Steve didn't know what to believe. He wasn't fine but he would be. He sat there in the bathroom with shaky gasps and pained animal sounds and he willed himself to be fine.

But he doesn't see the film through to the credits and he doesn't want to revisit it.

The one film he doesn't like is Titanic.

He moves to Washington. He takes his freedom and pleads to the Avengers that he is closer to SHIELD there. SHIELD is all he knows, it is his life now. He promises to stay in touch but he needs his space and they reluctantly give it to him. They can always visit him if they want.

When he meets Sam Wilson and he tells Steve about the Trouble Man Soundtrack, he jots it down in the remaining pages of his notebook. It's nearly as old as him now. The list ever growing. He's going to be busy when he has the time to complete more of it.

The moment the finds Bucky again he doesn't document it. He's too busy to do it, that's his excuse. The notebook is always there but he doesn't draw Bucky's new face. He decides to wait until Bucky remembers him.

The moment he plunges into the Potomac River is the moment the notebook finally dies – along with the final artistic reminder of his previous life, along with inked portraits of the man he let fall.

The notebook dies. Steve doesn't. He expected to die but he doesn't.

He still doesn't know how he survived.

Bucky evades him. He's in the wind again. SHIELD is a mess and so is Steve. He buys another notebook and starts the list again. He has a didactic memory he discovers, meaning that he is able to remember every tactic, every face and every moment of his life. He will never forget the things he wants to forget. He isn't sure if that's a bad thing or not.

But back to the list.

 _Catch up on literature_

Since moving to Washington Steve has lost some contact with the Avengers. He doesn't see them every day and after the HYDRA scandal SHIELD has become somewhat based in New York with the Avengers taking lead roles. They expect Steve to take a lead role but Steve isn't ready for it yet. They allow him his space and he is grateful for it.

However, Steve knows that he is stumped when asking what the modern literature is like. Back before the serum, art and books were his lifelines, after all most of his ailments meant that if he wanted to be healthy he had to be contained inside most of the time. He has to ask for help.

(902): What books should I read?

It takes a while to receive answers but Steve is alright with that; he knows that the team would be busy with research and meetings and assignments.

(867): Human Universe, Brian Cox

(606): Fifty Shades of Grey

(705): Harry Potter, J.K Rowling

(978): Twilight, Stephanie Meyer

For one stupid instance he trusts his team and goes to a bookstore and gets all of those books and all of the books in their corresponding series.

He saves Bruce's suggestion for when he went further into researching science and out of all of his team he trusts Clint the best.

Again, in another stupid instance he decides not to read the blurbs and just be excited by the contents.

He isn't someone who usually appreciates the fantastical, during the war you couldn't trust the fantastical despite its notion to take your mind off of the horrific circumstances. Star Wars and Star Trek had took him into the scientific fantasy of things, on how scientific develops can benefit the future. But Harry Potter is totally left field to those, it was about magic and that couldn't be proven by any scientific reasoning's. If Steve didn't know what the serum was capable of doing, he would've dismissed it straight away. But he gives it a chance and he loves it! He likes the philosophical subtext within it and he likes how it progresses through Harry's life. He devours them, taking more time on the bigger books such as the Order of the Phoenix and he doesn't want them to end yet. Like all fantasy is programmed to do, he is swept away from his apartment and whisked away to Hogwarts, ignoring everything around him in favour of reading and immersing himself into another world.

He feels like a piece of his childhood – robbed by illness and the war – is restored. He would have to thank J.K Rowling if he ever met her (he could get that arranged actually and all it would take was a quiet word to SHIELD and a trip to Britain). He feels sad when Dumbledore died, when Dobby died, when Fred died and when Snape died. Something about Snape reminds him of Bucky, and he can't quite figure out why. Voldemort also appears eerily similar to the Red Skull and HYDRA as a whole. He is glad when he is defeated because in some way Steve knows that HYDRA could and would be defeated entirely one day.

Natasha's suggestion of Twilight is one which makes Steve kind of angry. Again it is fantasy, which he doesn't mind that much anymore, but sparkling vampires? That is just absurd. The love story made the relationship in Titanic seem like a mature, adult relationship. They weren't shouting "JACK!" "ROSE!" all of the time but there seemed to be a lot of heavy, constipated stares. But that isn't what made him angry, what makes him angry is the way Bella reacts to Edward like he is the only thing that keeps her going. This is particularly proven in New Moon in which Bella tries several times to nearly kill herself because of him. Bella is a woman! As a woman she has more strength than that. She doesn't need a man to prove her own self-worth. The reflection of Bella as a whole makes women seem weak and dependent on men which they aren't. Steve had saw enough of Peggy and of women in general to know that that is far from the truth. And don't get him started on the vampire baby!

The last suggestion of Fifty Shades of Grey is made by Tony and Steve should've known better than to blindly read it without reading the blurb or picking up on the cover itself. He even ignored the side glance that the cashier gave him when he was buying it. Steve gets a way through and then when he notices where it is going – the bondage and stuff like that – he chucks it at the wall. From that point on he vows to himself never to blindly trust Tony like that ever again.

He gets rid of the Twilight and the Fifty Shades books as soon as possible.

But despite that the blog posts erupted with over dramatic stories:

Steamy Captain likes to read Fifty Shades!

Captain – is he a Gryffindor or a Slytherin?

Disgusted Captain: A source reveals that our hero is appalled by sparkling vampires.

Of course there are some aspects in those posts that are wrong. One of the most obvious ones is his Hogwarts house; Steve is a Hufflepuff thank you very much.

 _Eat more take out (try Thai food)_

Through the war a lot of things were rationed constantly and since being thawed Steve hasn't really had a chance to test his taste buds. Sure he had had pizza and shawarma and Chinese food with the team, but he had always gotten the same thing from the same stores. He hadn't really branched out. So he makes it his mission to try all of the take out from D.C.

From the Desk of Kathleen Pattison

It is a common enough strategy: Make stars more human, more approachable, in order to increase their worth, improve their reputation or just sell a product. Let's be honest here, her human, down-to-earth attitude is the reason we love Jennifer Lawrence talking about what she had for dinner more than Kim Kardashian trying to sell see through clothing.

We prefer our celebrities to be as human as the rest of us so that we can pretend that they might be glamorous and rich but that we can still identify them as one of us. Being seen as human makes them more likeable and charming. If you want to improve a celebrity's status, let him or her remark how they like lounging around in their pajamas all day binge watching Netflix. A sudden increase in likeability is guaranteed in 99.9% of the cases.

One person where the sudden humanization does not work in his favour: Captain America.

This week he has been found around various pizzerias and Chinese restaurants eating nothing but take out. The last thing you picture when you imagine the Captain is to binge on fatty foods, I mean look at that body you'd expect him to eat nothing but greens. Within the first few days, his likeability sky rocketed as he candidly chatted with fans and commended restaurant owners on their food. His favourite place had to be 2 Amy's and you couldn't go wrong with a plain pizza – although plain was the last thing that it was indeed.

But after a while, after the Captain was seen visiting these places for days on end and on multiple occasions, fans became worried on the mental state of the Captain. Some enquired on whether he had depression and suggested going back to New York to help it calm down. Rogers calmly denied these accusations and claimed that he was 'just sampling the food of D.C'.

However, the beard (which fans are divided on, is it cute or scruffy?) and the baggy clothes suggest otherwise.

Maybe he is trying to make up for lost time? He spent his early twenties fighting in World War II – is that why he has chosen to lax off of a healthy diet and instead eat pizza all day? Does that make him feel young and provide him with an experience he's never had himself? Is this his comfort food which provides an antidote to the 'I am perpetually different to humans and constantly saving the world' persona?

This is so far from our normal perceptions of Rogers that you can wonder if it's all a backfired publicity stunt. If it does last fans can only feel sorry for the Captains physique and his spiraling mental capabilities. They also worry if he will ever join the Avengers again and leave the lazy, laid back life he has now. But one thing is for sure: the slob of a Captain is a no go for the populace of Washington D.C.

\- Kathleen.

Thai food is actually kind of nice, a bit spicy at times but a welcoming and interesting flavour. The news cycle doesn't mention that though.

 _Learn more languages and catch up on science stuff._

He doesn't have Jarvis here who could help with catching up with everything. He has to do everything on his own this time.

Languages are somewhat easier than the science. He had already knew French and a bit of German. He had learned French from before the war, using it to fill in his time and he had started to pick up German because of the war. Knowing both of those languages had been useful, if he knew German he could work out what the enemy was saying and if he knew French he could then find out that Dernier was just as bad at swearing as all of the others, but he liked to swear in other languages because he found it amusing.

But Erskine once told him that good became great and bad became worse. He was of course referring to how the serum reacts with the body. But he had never mentioned how the serum would react with the mind. Steve hadn't even thought to test it after all he had just been testing his physical attributes. His body was stronger and quicker thanks to the serum so did that mean that the mind was also improved?

Spanish isn't that different to French anyway.

On his exploration Steve finds that there are loads of tools that can help him – Sam tells him about them and shows him how to get on them during an outing one day – such as Babbel, Duolingo and Memrise which aids him in vocabulary, phrases and pronunciation.

He feels rather proud of himself when he finishes learning German, picks up Spanish easily and starts on Russian. His brain is quicker and after learning two languages he picks up more as though he was a duck taking to water.

The only one that takes him a particular long time to learn is sign language. And he is only doing that for Clint who he knew was deaf. For that one he recruits the help of Clint who takes his time showing him the hand motions for letters and words. Clint also teaches Steve how to over pronounce his words so that people can lip read easily. Natasha finds them one day, Clint with his hearing aid out and Steve enraptured, talking with fast hands and smiles on their faces. She's happy that Clint has another friend able to communicate with him in that way.

The internet is his friend when it comes to learning the science stuff:

1952: Salk produces the polio vaccine.

1953: The structure of DNA is discovered. (SHIELD is particularly fond of this discovery because it lead to many breakthroughs among their own projects and for new projects to be created).

1969: Apollo astronauts land on the moon.

1975: The personal computer industry is launched.

1980: Smallpox is declared to be eradicated.

1996: A meteorite from Mars suggests that there could be life from other planets.

But he also employs Sam who even if he is just sat down to the left of him say "on your left," to get back at Steve.

Sam is also a fan of asking Steve random questions while he is in the middle of reading something. At first Steve finds it annoying because it distracting. When Steve got into something he really got into something so taking his mind off of it and onto something else was not a good thing. But he is fond that the man wants to know more about him and soon it became a normality. He finds that he can answer Sam's questions, and maintain his research and his conversation at the same time.

Sam asks "What's your favourite food?"

Steve replies that it is lasagna because his mother used to make it for him when he was sick, which was most of the time. However, he has a fondness for Italian food non-stop, finding pleasure for the modern pizza and hoping to learn the Italian language next.

"You said you used to be ill all the time, what did you actually have?" Sam's curiosity is astounding, even when Steve has his own SHIELD file on the kitchen counter somewhere.

Steve lists them as nonchalantly as he can, "Asthma, chronic and frequent colds, scarlet fever, easy fatigability, heart trouble, high blood pressure and many more that I can't even remember."

"Man, why did you even go outside?!"

After that Sam and Steve decides that even though he has caught up on science – although he is nowhere near Tony and Bruce's level of intelligence – they would troll the team with feigned ignorance. It will be hilarious. Steve even knows what trolling means now.

 _Just understand technology_

He wants to understand technology. He doesn't want to say "It seems to run on some sort of electricity," ever again and he wants to actually answer with a competent reply. But he can't do this on his own.

Steve goes back to New York for a few weeks because he knows that the other's schedules were all blank; Sam helped him on that one. Speaking of Sam, bless his heart, he tried to teach Steve about technology but he just wasn't having any of it. For some reason, his brain just couldn't understand it. Or didn't want to. So Steve thinks that the combined efforts of the team, who had dealt with Thor's Asgardian demeanour around phones and microwaves before, can get him back on track.

When he is there, the team take turns trying to teach him about varying things. Deciding who was going to teach him first was a… complex situation. However, it is decided after something Steve says. "Tony," Steve began, "Are there flying cars here in the future? Because Robert said that there would be flying cars in the future." Despite the sad fact that there are no flying cars yet it is decided that Tony would go first. That doesn't go so well.

Tony tries, he does. But everything that Steve is shown is met with indifference with a tint of confusion. He tries with the more advanced stuff and dives straight in it. But Steve isn't interested. It takes a sit down in front of television (where Tony is briefly explaining when and how it was invented and how it works) that Steve shows some interest.

"Oh my god," Steve says, "That's incredible," and Tony stares at him like ha is crazy for a full, silent minute

"Seriously!" he demands eventually, "Seriously, are you serious, you didn't bat an eye at the Quinjet, you said the armor was just a big metal suit, I can't get you to understand the cultural significance of YouTube and you still think there's a guy answering questions on the other end of Google – I know you do Steve, I know you think that! But you are impressed after all of that, after all I have tried to teach you and you are impressed by a Blender."

"It made a smoothie in under ten seconds," Steve says because it had.

Tony doesn't speak to him for two whole days. The future sure is strange.

But Steve thinks that his problem with technology is just that he is overwhelmed. From coming from the forties there had been so many advancements that he doesn't know what to look at first. Everything is so different that he doesn't know what to do with himself, nevertheless what to do with the technology itself. Plus, everyone who had taught him had tried to explain it to him in baby terms which made Steve want to switch off.

This is why he likes Natasha's and Clint's efforts.

They take him to an electronics store and they let him have at it.

"$10 says he breaks something within half an hour," Clint whispers to Natasha as they survey Steve walk in awe around the store.

"Have some faith in him," Natasha says in reply. Then Steve picks up an IPad and starts to investigate it. At first he is in wonder at how thin it is and how images plays across a screen so seamlessly.

"Why does this one button do different things in different circumstances? I mean I know it's easier but can they not label things or have another button right next to it? Have people forgotten how to label things?"

"Here we go," Clint says,

"Wait…"

A few minutes go by and Steve spent it in silence, taking in that touching the screen one way did something else to touching the screen another way. Everything had three or four functions at once. But after a while, he got the hang of it.

"Hey, this translates into French!" He babbles and starts speaking to the IPad in French even though he knew the other two probably couldn't understand him at all.

"Is he actually getting it?" Clint says astonished,

"I told you so," Natasha replies and they both watch as Steve grows overjoyed at his success. He is still far away from understanding everything, but he can work some things.

Despite that, he still broke something. But to be fair, he sweeps past a stand too fast and all of the phones flew off like they are trying to break free.

He is getting there.

 _Get drunk._

Steve knows that getting drunk is going to be no small feat. His high metabolism and quick healing abilities mean that it would take a lot of alcohol to get a buzz, never mind to stay drunk for a period of time. He also knows that it would take a lot of money but he wants to experience it, so the Avengers bank account would have to be sacrificed a bit.

To complete this task he goes down to his local liquor store and approaches the cashier with a question:

"Can you name the top three drinks you sell with the most alcoholic content?"

He gets strange looks for that one. But it is a good thing that he is the only customer in the shop. The cashier rattles off names and percentages and Steve doesn't really care about that. He just wants to get drunk for a night. In order to do that he orders five bottles of the three he mentions. Five bottles of Devil Springs Vodka (80% alcohol by volume) five bottles of Bacardi 151 rum (75.5%) and five bottles Sierra Silver Tequila (75%). Yeah that should do the trick. Hopefully.

The price tag for those fifteen bottles is hefty. Steve doesn't even want to think about it.

To begin his night he loads up some black and white films and starts drinking. He doesn't like the taste of any of them at first, but the more he drinks the more the taste seems to settle within him, the more the burn becomes pleasant instead of uncomfortable.

He is feeling warm and floaty and through nearly a third of his haul by the time the sound of the door flying off of its hinges draws him out of his trance. He looks up, startled, and then frowns at the sight of Tony Stark standing in his doorway.

Behind the tech genius, Barton, Romanoff, and Banner peered over Stark's shoulders with apparent concern. This is the whole Avengers team, minus Thor who is undoubtedly still in Asgard.

"Everything… still alright?" He has to slow his words to make the slight slur less noticeable, "I only saw you last week."

"You're drunk," Tony frowns and pushes his way into the apartment, "I know that the bank account is to cater to all of our needs but I wouldn't expect you to blow nearly $600 on booze. That's not like you." The others trail after him, taking in the sight of the bottles on the coffee table, Steve in sweatpants and nothing else, and the laptop perched on his lap.

"I'm trying something new," he says contritely, setting his bottle down and standing up. "Can I get you something to drink?"

When he doesn't hear a response, he turns in confusion, to find them all staring at him with varying degrees of shock. "What's wrong?"

"You're drunk." That is Banner, who knows better than to state the obvious.

"Very astute of you. Now I would like to get back to getting even more drunk than I am… you can join me or leave me."

"I'm happy to see this," Natasha nudges Clint and they sit down to witness the wonder that is Drunk Steve. Steve scratches at his growing beard and picks up his bottle again. Stark and Banner – Bruce – remains by the door. Hesitant to cross the threshold as casually as the other two, their eyes are more content on studying his apartment.

"I can see that you've been busy," Stark looks over at the spread of files over by the kitchen and floor. All of them are marked with SHIELD's logo. "Light reading?" He may have had the files for nearly a month but they are all still in the same positions they were when he had finished them.

Thanks to the alcohol Steve doesn't flinch, especially after seeing the way Tony seemed to focus on the one file that is open. Howard Stark's face stares up from the black and white picture, mocking or comforting, depending on how you look at it.

Steve immediately starts tidying up, the alcohol not yet fully getting rid of his flighty tendencies, closing that folder first and setting the mess in an organized pile over on the kitchen island. Once that is done, he straightens and looks at the two still standing there awkwardly. "Just trying to catch up," he says by way of explanation, hoping no one questions him. He didn't have the mental fortitude to deal with an inquisition right now. They don't question him.

At the very least, it looks like Bruce wants to say something, and Tony appears to be visibly biting his tongue, but fortunately, they manage to contain themselves. Bruce goes over to sit by the kitchen, unable to hold his curiosity about the files.

Tony meanwhile drops unceremoniously onto the couch, and then let's out a muffled yelp, standing up quickly. "Damn it, Cap, that can't be good for your back. Seriously, don't they pay you enough to be able to afford decent furniture?"

Steve rolls his eyes, leaning against the back of the couch as he folds his arms across his chest, giving the – younger? Older? Technically, he was older, but if you took out the seventy years in the ice, Tony is actually older than him – giving the other man a disappointed look that Tony would never admit to actually working. "It's my apartment, I can furnish it however I like." In total honesty Steve picked it because the charity helped soldiers and because every other couch he had seen was too soft for his liking. This one reminds him of the conditions of the war; everything hard but somewhat durable. Tony's remark reminds Steve of Howard who complained frequently on how things didn't appeal to his sense of luxury. But Bucky would just shoot the millionaire a sour look, and Stark would shut up. The rest of them had been more used to using whatever was there, especially those who had come from America – Dum Dum, Gabe, Morita, himself, and Bucky – as the Depression had hit all of them pretty hard.

Steve focuses again on drinking and watching his film, ignoring the group and allowing them to amuse themselves. He doesn't quite like the way Natasha is looking at him with a beady, gleeful eye like he is a prize to be won or a rare specimen. To help he gulps down the rest of his bottle and starts on the next.

Halfway through his haul he turns affectionate:

"Natasha… I honestly couldn't ask for a better friend. I know we don't always see eye to eye but who doesn't? I love you, you have a good heart. In the right place most of the time."

"Clint, you always make me laugh even when I'm kinda shitting my pants because you came in from the air vents. I love you, man, keep doing whatever you're doing."

"Bruce… you are so, so, so smart. And nice. I want to be as smart and nice as you one day. I always trust your judgement, you should trust yourself like I trust you."

"Tony, you're… sitting in my favourite spot… fucking move it."

Stark makes an offensive noise at that but moves nevertheless, otherwise he'd receive a punch from the Captain.

"Did he actually swear though? What the hell?" Clint remarks on Steve's rather potty mouth.

Natasha is quick to answer, "He was in a war and soldiers do have dirty mouths."

They let it slide. Even if Tony has to have a talking to in order to let the drunken remark go.

On the last bottle of vodka he is a mess:

"What kind of a name is stove?" He asks blearily from his upside down position on the couch.

"Your name is not stove, it's Steve." Bruce is the one to answer him, reading over the files because now he didn't have to deal with the whine that emitted from Steve every time he even glanced at them.

"Am I an appliance?" He asks again, getting up to swing himself around like a ballerina. One thing about a drunken Steve is that once he is incapacitated he likes to dance, although his clumsy limbs aren't really up for it.

"No you are a man, your name is Steve." Tony answers this time.

But all that did is get Steve to turn to him and ask whether or not he liked to iron clothes because his name is Iron Man. It is going to be a long night.

After the last bottle Steve gets hungry:

He whines for about an hour, then orders ten pizzas and demolishes over half of them on his own. Damn, he is possessive over his pizzas. While eating the pizzas he brings up senseless conversations. "How you do think they thawed me out? Because I just have images of a bunch of SHIELD agents kneeling over me with hairdryers. That would have took forever." The team indulges him, all the while smiling at the carefree persona that drunk Steve gives off. After that he is still hungry and goes to raid his fridge. That doesn't quite work because as he shuts it angrily (because there is no food that he wants in there) he promptly brains himself on the door.

The team had to pick up the passed out hero and put him to bed.

In an unfortunate development Steve is awake. He groans at the sunlight and snuggles up further into his blankets. He feels gross and all he wants to do is hibernate for the next week. He certainly doesn't want to drink ever again.

His mouth feels like an ashtray as he checks his Stark issued phone.

(705): You hum the national anthem in your sleep.

(978): How you feeling this morning, Cap?

(1-978): The sun and the Captain aren't on speaking terms right now.

(1-902): Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?

(1-978): I'm so hungover I don't even want to be myself anymore.

Who thought about the decision of drinking fifteen bottles of alcohol anyway?


	3. The one in which Bucky has a trial

Steve has always forced his life into a daily routine of work, gym, work, gym, occasionally sleep, eat when he remembered, more work, and more gym. He is viewed as the Captain, not as Steve so he would be as physically prepared for the role as he could get. He would push the boundaries of his post serum body and try to see what his limitations were.

Steve misses the old days. Sure, the war hadn't exactly been fun, but the Howling Commandos added a little flavour to the mix. He supposed that the Avengers could fill that section but Steve didn't know them enough just as much as they didn't know much about him. He missed Dum Dum turning to him at least once every mission brief and telling him, "Steve, you're a crazy sonuvabitch. Did that serum take out your sense of self-preservation?"

And then Bucky would shut him up with a light slap upside the head. "Steve's always been crazy, Dugan. The serum had nothing to do with it."

Here, mission briefs were completed with upmost professionalism. The Strike Team would never question him. Nor would they insult his lineage or call him an asshole or a punk the way Bucky did at least ten times before they even completed the objectives of the assignment. Steve knows that sometimes he does things wrong, he is human, but his comrades here would never recognise that and instead they would treat it as the correct way to do things.

In times of boredom he oddly finds himself thinking about the five stages of grief more and more frequently. He doesn't understand how people seemed to model everyone's grief in the exact same way, as though believing that everyone's grief would be exactly the same. The truth is that every grief experienced is different to the next. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. He certainly doesn't follow that pattern. Not one of those stages tell him how to deal with willingly sacrificing his life to save the world, only to wake up nearly seventy years in the future to a world that hadn't stopped, just because he had died.

None of those stages tell him how to deal with losing his entire life in the blink of an eye. His friends, they were his family. His parents had died years before he had become Captain America, and the Howling Commandos had been like brothers. Before them, it had been him and Bucky against the world. And after, the two had willingly made room for more. Their unit had functioned seamlessly during the war, because they were always able to predict what the others were going to do next, and knew instinctively where help was needed.

Those stages don't talk about losing your family so abruptly without any of them knowing that you're still alive. They don't talk about how it feels to read a report of their lives in cold, dispassionate words, black and white pages in a file stashed in a box and forgotten about until Steve brought them to the light once more. Knowing that if things had only played out differently, you could have been a part of those lives.

Those stages don't talk about how it can shatter you. And then you have to go on living with all the broken pieces.

A dozen more punching bags lost to the nightmares of the past. All distractions. He neglected his list for a while and fell into his normality. Work, gym, work and gym.

Then Bucky comes back.

He hasn't seen him since the HYDRA scandal and he doesn't get time with Bucky straight away. Bucky surrendered to the remains of SHIELD and they took him into custody and watched him as the trial was scheduled. They don't allow Steve to see him, stuck firmly in the belief that Steve is biased and that Bucky is unstable.

He doesn't look at social media, doesn't quite know how to if he is being honest, but he already knows what is being put out there about the trial.

The New York Times nytimes

Winter Soldier set to stand trial for Washington D.C massacre and treason.

Excerpt from: 'United States vs Winter Soldier'

"It's a perfect day, there's a cloudless sky above but a restless crowd below. They wait impatiently to get inside the courthouse. However, many of them will not make it inside for the trial of the Winter Soldier, the perpetrator of the massacre at Southeast Freeway and the Triskelion nearly two months ago that saw thirty two people dead and hundreds more injured. He is expected to face a plea of guilty."

Exhibit #41

PROSECUTOR: The SHIELD file breech leaked millions of files out there, including those among HYDRA databases. One of these files was entitled: Asset to 32°46′59″ N, 96°48′24″ W. Those are the coordinates to Dallas Texas. The date of that document was November 1963 and a registered hit by this Asset – who we all know is what HYDRA called The Winter Soldier due to Exhibit #38, suggests that the defendant carried out the assassination of President Kennedy.

Fox News FoxNews  
After #JFK, Who Was Next?

NBC News NBCNews

Breaking: evidence is found to suggest the Winter Soldier assassinated JFK.

Flying Solo Carter

WS killed JKF. What the fuck. WTF #WSTrial

Steve feels sick. Not because of what HYDRA had made Bucky do but what the people were going to think Bucky did on his own accord.

Excerpt from 'Peggy Carter: On Captain America and Winter Soldier Trial.'

When I asked her about Barnes she spoke how The Winter Soldier remained a ghost in their files, an elusive character that kept cropping up. But when asked how he was in 1944 she shared a different picture. "We had – " she laughs, "Common interests. We both knew that Steve had to be protected at all costs and he meant so much to both of us. So Barne's kept an eye on him in the field and I did all I could in London. By the end of it all, I believe we were not as close as friends – but Allies." She had nothing but good things to say about Captain Rogers's best friend, recalling memories of sharing his attention and remembering how Steve would talk about him even when with her… when asked about the trial her tone changed. "They are going to use him as a scapegoat for all their problems. They'll rally the public opinion on believing he was nothing more than a killer. It shouldn't have become a public trial; but that's the only way they'll convict him as guilty. America is very good at making itself uncountable."

Roger That flightrisk

The question is not whether WS committed these crime but whether Sergeant Barnes did. Think people.

Shine that light inconsolable

WS is the enemy! He meant to kill my baby, that poor boy.

DOCTOR: His face was very heavily beaten — he had one black eye, his lips were split in two different places, his left cheekbone was shattered, and his nose had evidently bled excessively. He also suffered from two of his ribs being broken. Another was cracked. Two of his fingers on his left hand were fractured in several places. He was also shot.

JUDGE: Please elaborate, was he shot the once or multiple times.

DOCTOR: Two. Once in the flank, the other in his back just missing his spine. But of course with Captain Rogers's extreme healing capabilities he healed remarkably fast and checked himself out the following noon.

JUDGE: In your medical opinion, would an average man, without Captain Rogers' remarkable reparative capacities, have survived the extensive wounds you just described?

DOCTOR: I very much doubt it. The bullets alone should have sufficed. If they hadn't, the blood loss should have killed him.

JUDGE: Do you believe that these wounds were accidental or made with intent of mortality?

DOCTOR: If they were accidental the only wounds Captain Rogers' would have sustained would be maybe one bullet wound or a couple of bruises. It was evident that the wounds inflicted were overkill and, under the presumption that Captain America was the enemy, meant to kill.

Steve feels sicker.

TIME  
POLL: Should Sgt. Barnes be acquitted?

The jury had been deliberating for nearly seven hours. Steve couldn't breathe. The Avengers were with him trying to provide comfort in any way they knew how but he didn't feel them. If Bucky was punished for this he didn't know what he would do.

JUDGE: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a unanimous decision?

FOREMAN: We have, Your Honor.

JUDGE: Please step forward Foreman.

FOREMAN: On the charge of high treason against the government of the United States, we find the defendant Not Guilty.

[commotion]

FOREMAN: On the charge of terrorism against the people of the United States, we find the defendant Not Guilty. On the charges of sixty-three different counts of murder, we find the defendant —

[Pause]

FOREMAN: Not Guilty.

[Uproar]

Steve can finally breathe.

The Associated Press AP  
BREAKING: Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes cleared of all charges

commando #8 mrright  
HE'S FREE. NOT GUILTY BITCHS!

Excerpt from 'James Barnes: Free Man'

"When Mr. Barnes exits the courthouse, he looks much better than he did during his testimony, which was marked with horrifying descriptions of torture that left everyone shaken. He has a smile on his face and his eyes land immediately on Steven Rogers, his childhood best friend and a leading witness for the defense. Mr. Rogers clasps Mr. Barnes hand – the left one, the one deemed to be a weapon by the court. They both hug and when they both pull back – after some time – there are blatant tears in both of their eyes."

Both of them can finally breathe.

They have each other and together they can heal from their grief, heal from their trauma and – this was something Steve is excited about – complete the list together.


	4. The one in which a list is completed

_Get Bucky back_

Since Steve had first saw Bucky on that bridge he knew that he had to get him back, he had to save him from whatever HYDRA had done to him. When he was put on trial Steve's hopes had dwindled to nearly nothing. But he has Bucky back and that is the main thing, it is the best thing.

They go back to the Avengers tower because Bucky will be surrounded by multiple people if anything goes wrong, plus Bruce wants to take a look at him, whatever that means. Steve is in two minds whether or not to move back to the tower, but then he would leave Sam unless he can convince him to follow. He probably would.

He ignores Jarvis who greets them and he ignores the others because he has Bucky back and he can't get over it yet. And then they all sit down and everything is silent. That is when the tranquil façade breaks.

The first thing that Bucky says to Steve is not what he was expecting, "I think I prefer your army uniform,"

"Bucky…?"

Then he just punches Steve right in the face. Steve had forgotten that Bucky had a mean left hook.

"I WAS DEAD FOR LIKE A DAY. A DAY STEVE AND YOU GO NOSE DIVE YOURSELF INTO THE ARTIC!"

"Uh…" Steve doesn't know what to say.

"YOU FUCKING STUPID PUNK I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! Were you just like 'my impulse control fell outta the train with Bucky' and thought that crashing the plane and not giving your coordinates was a good idea?! You've really outdone yourself this time. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE ALIENS! Steve ten days out of the ice and you didn't think that taking a vacation and learning about the 21st century was a good idea?"

The Avengers stand there bewildered as Bucky rips Steve a new one and continues to do so until he tires himself out. Steve takes a deep breath and they think that he will rip Bucky a new one in retaliation but he doesn't.

"Bucky…" He whispers and the two men hug again, but this is a bear hug. This a hug that they are very familiar with but haven't had since they were little.

"It's me alright you stupid punk and don't get your blubber all over me," But he's crying just as much as Steve is.

And the Avengers just stand there, they knew something of a reunion would happen but they didn't expect this to happen.

For a while things are good, and Steve and Bucky retreat to get to know each other all over again. But not everything is good. Bucky has trouble remembering things sometimes and there are times when he can't remember anything. Bruce says that this is normal, Bucky had been brainwashed for many years so it would take some time before he would be alright. But Steve knows that Bucky doesn't trust himself, he knows it in the way that Bucky would be hesitant to go out on his own, or embrace his new found freedom. He is stuck to Steve like a limpet because he knows that when he is with Steve he is safe. He would always be safe with Steve.

"Bucky what do you remember?" Steve asks. It's one of those days where Bucky has a confused, dazed look in his eyes and he doesn't recognise him. It's just like the look Peggy nearly always has when he goes to see her. But he can fix this one.

"Nothing…" Bucky replies, "Who are you?" and his voice sounds so small and sad that Steve just wants to hug him until he remembers again.

"Hm…" Steve ponders and goes to his wardrobe. He takes out his Captain America uniform and puts it on, "When you see me wearing this suit does it prompt any memories? I wore this when I met you in the army and on the bridge."

"Nothing."

Steve then put on his army uniform, dusty from all of those years, "What about this? You even exaggerated and said that I looked spiffing in it. Any memories?"

"No, sorry I don't know who you are."

There's a sad atmosphere of failure in the room and Steve can tell that Bucky is trying to force himself to remember, straining himself but it just wasn't working.

Steve goes back to his wardrobe and undresses, thinking on what else he could do to jog his friend's memory. As he thinks he can hear footsteps behind him.

"Bucky…?" Steve can feel a hand on his back, tugging his white t-shirt up his back, "Bucky. Bucky what's wrong?"

"Strip." It's a command, a weird one but one nevertheless.

"What, Bucky?"

"Strip." And with a blush on his cheeks Steve does as he is told. He stands there shirtless in front of his best friend. Bucky's hand searches his chest and rests above his heart.

"Do you remember anything?" Steve knows that Bucky find some sort of peace in his heartbeat. The pounding noises of his heart is audible and Steve only hopes that this does the trick. "May I feel yours too? You can say no if you don't want to." But Bucky nods and Steve finds his heartbeat too. They stand there for a while, hands on each other's chests before Bucky's hands envelop Steve and they are hugging again.

"I'm sorry Steve." He's sorry because he doesn't know how he could ever forget his best friend.

He forgets who he is sometimes and doesn't respond to his name. But he doesn't know why. There are memories of everything they've done together. He remembers his time as the Winter Soldier when he doesn't want to, he remembers the length HYDRA had went to torture him into submission, and he remembered the war and fighting alongside Steve in honour. 'To the future. Together' on his lips as a mantra to Steve. He remembers further back when Steve was small and often ill or getting beat up. Bucky remembers their conversations when Steve would come home and Bucky would have to get the names of the bullies from Steve and convince him by saying, 'Don't worry Steve I'm with you. We can fight together and beat them, it's okay."

"It's okay." Steve was saying it now and it dragged him away from his memories. Steve could sense that he was remembering, the haunted look in his eyes was too horrific to guess otherwise. "It's okay Bucky," he's crooning and rubbing his back, "All of them are in the past. You're home now and I'm with you until the end of the line."

"Thanks Steve."

"Welcome home Buck."

Because Steve was home to Bucky, he practically always had been.

But the good days outweigh the bad ones and there are plenty of times when the Avengers don't understand their dynamic. Steve is better now, he's nearly always smiling and happy. That's a brilliant thing.

"How are my fellow super freaks doing this morning?" Steve all but chippers as he bounds into the kitchen, much more energetic than the early hour calls for. You wouldn't have guessed that he had only had three hours sleep that night either.

The others seated around the table aren't quite so awake yet, Steve is pretty sure that Tony is asleep in his coffee (he probably hadn't slept at all) and Natasha glares at him scarily. A very sleep ruffled Bucky is grumpily eating his cereal with one arm.

Still, Steve grabs a bowl and gets his own breakfast before plopping on the stool next to his best friend. His cheery demeanour earns him a stink eye from him, but the sleepy Bucky is just too adorable for Steve to even be intimidated. But he needs Bucky awake so he prods him with his spoon now and again.

"Jab me one more time and I'll bite your hand off," Bucky growls, the spoon and Steve's fingers now trapped in his hold. Steve smirks. On the other side of the table Tony groans and awakes once more while Clint goes over to the toaster to try and convince it to make toast. A fun fact was that Tony had modified it to have a nearly there conscience and the toaster wasn't happy with being demanded of. So far Tony hadn't fixed it and probably never would.

"It's such a waste of a good hand though," Steve is playful this morning, "So skilled and capable,"

"Well right now I only have one arm and therefore one hand so you'll have to deal." It was true, Bucky had left the robotic arm in his bedroom this morning and the stump was the only thing present. Plus because of Steve, Bucky couldn't eat his breakfast properly. "Can you press pause on being an asshole for a second?" Bucky asked him with a sleepy smile, he just wanted to eat his breakfast and he wasn't even mentally prepared for Steve's games.

"I dunno. Can you hold your breath for half an hour?" Steve retaliated and raised an eyebrow. Steve then laughed and went on to eat his cereal. An annoyed Bucky was an alive Bucky and some times that was hard to find.

The Avengers sure didn't understand their dynamic. "Stop flirting," Bruce commented as he refilled Tony's coffee and made himself one too.

But the pair don't think that they were flirting. Not at all.

 _GET A LIFE_

\- _Bucky I already have one_

\- _Get a better one then_

\- _That was weak and you know it_

\- _Get a life Stevie_

\- _How did you even find this_

\- _I'll never tell._

\- _And don't call me Stevie._

He doesn't even know what this one means but he rolls with it, nor does he know how Bucky found the notebook since it's always tucked into one of Steve's pockets.

Bucky begs him to go to an animal shelter. Steve doesn't know why. He rolls with it though because a happy Bucky on a good day is a magnificent thing to witness. So they go to an animal shelter and Steve is very clear on one thing.

"We are not getting a pet,"

Bucky just wanders off and Steve knows, he knows that what he said wouldn't work. Because if Bucky is anything he is stubborn and still getting him back for diving into the Artic. He finds his friend some twenty minutes later surrounded by dogs. Bucky is flat on his back and dogs of every kind are on his chest licking at his chin or wagging their tails in happiness.

Bucky gives him this look. Steve knows it is The Look. It is a reflection of a puppies stare, all pleading and if there could there would be literal hearts in his eyes. He is holding a blonde puppy like the Lion King – and yes they had seen that and cried at Mufasa's death thank you Disney - with only three legs who has a lolling tongue and a stare equal to Bucky's.

Steve knows. He knows right then that they have a new addition. They have a dog.

They name him Buddy and once Tony sees the littlest Avenger he makes it his mission to make him a metal leg. Bucky and Buddy spend hours together where Bucky is so happy because they both share metal limbs.

In retaliation Steve dresses Buddy in a Captain America coat one day. Bucky only has two things to say to that:

"Why does he look like you?"

"Because it's cold outside!"

"Yeah but I think he'd rather be cold than ugly." They both know that it's made in jest – what they later discover to be called banter – and Bucky would always say that he is the better looking one anyway.

Buddy is a very welcome addition. He sleeps in Steve's room and Bucky joins them often enough that they get another bed put in the room just for him. They knew that it is the best thing for them, since they are the only ones strong enough to hold each other down when they have nightmares. But with Buddy, the nightmares seem to be calmer. Many nights are spent with Buddy clasped tightly in one of their arms or with his body curled nearly impossibly on one of their backs or knees.

The only one who loves their dog more than them is Sam. When he first sees the dog they run towards each other like someone from a Disney film. Besides that he spends every waking moment with Buddy teaching him tricks or walking him somewhere. Sometimes, Buddy spends more time with Sam than either of them. That's okay though.

Steve doesn't know how getting a dog qualifies as 'getting a life' but Bucky thinks so. That's all that really matters.

The list is left for a while as the notebook is used for other reasons. He fills up pages and pages of pictures of Bucky. He never shows them to Bucky of course but whenever someone else asks him what he's drawing he replies "Bucky," and the Avengers don't tell anyone. Well they don't tell Bucky. There's Bucky puffing out smoke from a cigarette. There's Bucky asleep in a mound of blankets. Bucky in his pristine uniform looking cocky as hell. Bucky fresh from imprisonment, torture, battle and forced march in World War Two managing to look extremely badass. Bucky dancing with a girl, motion rendered perfectly but the drawing is faithful down to every last detail while the girl is barely a smudge on the page. Close ups of hands and eyes and smiles. However, when someone asks him about these drawings he is completely oblivious and rambles on about the stories behind each one. The Avengers, minus Bucky, listen to him as Steve says, "Oh yeah, that was the night before Bucky shipped out, he dragged me to the Stark Expo and I met Dr. Erskine," or, "Bucky used to work at the docks but sometimes he picked up shifts at the garage to pay for my medicines, he said that he actually liked it better than the docks," and, "First chance we had at a wash in weeks, we had to drag Falsworth out of that river," and finally, "Bucky told me that when he woke up as the Winter Soldier he was really clumsy, so when HYDRA was given him orders he was just flailing and falling everywhere while swearing in Russian at them to help him."

The Avengers continually wonder if Steve's messing with them or if he's just that oblivious. But no: Steve is a hundred percent sincere. He has missed his own crush.

Eventually – to save Tony from bursting – Nat sits Steve down to gently break the news to him. Steve denies it for half of the discussion and sits in silence for the other half. He has missed his own crush. He knows it now but somehow that makes it even more terrifying.

He can't let Bucky find the notebook again. He has to be sneakier.

Watch the Captain America films

He can't tell Bucky that he's in love with him. He's just coming to turns with it himself. He has a new notebook, one only dedicated to the list. The one filled with the pictures of Bucky is hid away somewhere Bucky will never find it.

It's when Bucky demands a movie marathon that Steve obliges him but panics. If they sit too close he'll crack. It's a good thing that Buddy can be a warm barrier in between them.

Anyway… to the films.

Over the years there have been films made about his story. This is a little disturbing but Bucky is adamant that they have to watch them. Before even watching them they know that they are all going to be bad in some way.

1946: Captain America

 _Bucky Barnes is being beaten up by two larger men in a studio backlot that's doing its best impression of a dingy back-alley somewhere in Brooklyn. "Hey," he says, out of breath, his fists up in front of his face. "Why don't you pick on... on..."_

 _"Someone your own size!" Steve Rogers finishes the sentence for him, appearing as if out of nowhere. He picks up both of the taller guys by the backs of their collars and throws them out of the alley. There are some sound effects that indicate that they've probably landed on a garbage can and a pile of glass bottles. Steve stands at ease, which looks an awful lot like a normal guy standing to attention._

 _"Aw, Steve," Bucky says, panting slightly, once the sound effects have stopped. "I had 'em, you know I had 'em."_

 _"I hear ya, kid," Steve says. He wipes his brow. It glistens attractively under the streetlamps._

"Oh c'mon," Bucky says throwing a handful of popcorn at the screen, "That was the over way around!"

"Pick on someone your own size? God where did they get their information? I would never say that in a million years." Steve says and slaps Bucky for wasting the popcorn, toffee popcorn in his favourite damnit.

 _"Steve!" the screen splits, and Peggy is at the other end of the radio, rather than anyone with any expertise at flying planes. "Steve, you can't leave me now!" She's wearing a showgirl outfit, and around her the other girls are getting changed and chewing gum. They are about to perform for the troops._

 _"Do me a favour, Peggy," Steve says. "You'll keep dancing for me, won't ya?"_

"Peggy was never a sex symbol in tights, she's better than that! That's highly sexist,"

"Steve we can't all be feminists like you," Bucky is joking and they both know it, "Besides Peggy is hotter in this film."

"Are you blind?"

1974: Heartbreak on the Western Front

 _He turns his back to her, gazing off into the distance. "Don't try to talk me out of it," he says without emotion. "I have to do it. But... this may be the last time we see each other."_

 _"Don't say that," Peggy cries._

 _"Whatever you say, sweetheart, it won't make a difference."_

 _"Steve," Peggy whispers, "I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father."_

 _Shocked, Captain America falls to his knees, his face a mask of anguish. He presses his face against her belly, which is covered by her high-waisted, bell-bottomed uniform trousers._

 _"I can't lose you," he says._

 _"You won't," she promises. She drags a hand through his shaggy blond hair. "We'll always be together. No matter what."_

 _Bucky remains in the background a frown on his face._

"I was in that twice," Bucky muttered, "The first time you were hitting on me, when I was sixteen by the looks of it, and the second when I appear like a jealous background idiot."

"That's better than the world now thinking that I have a love child out there somewhere,"

They continue to crunch their popcorn loudly.

"You're very predictable," Natasha says.

"What?" Steve says.

"Nothing," Natasha replies. "Just something I read on the internet."

1989: The Captain's Song

"Mel Gibson!" Steve splutters and nearly throws the laptop across the room.

Natasha laughs as his expression of disgust.

"I don't remember us being catholic Steve, do you?" Bucky questions.

1995: The Fight for Justice

 _There's a black and white battle field where a robotic dinosaur rampages across the screen._

 _"I didn't think that Starks invention would actually work," Steve ponders from off screen._

 _"Steven we're fighting Nazis not dinosaurs, get a grip." Bucky replies as the two stride confidently into the battle field._

"That actually happened." Bucky is nonchalant.

"What?" Barton says, "You couldn't have fought a dinosaur in World War Two,"

"Sure we did," Bucky says absently, "It was Bavaria. That was when Stark got real inventive with his methods, Steve?"

Steve just nods, he knows the others won't believe them.

"My father built a fucking dinosaur!" Tony pops his head into the living room, disbelief written on his face. He is gone within seconds muttering about finding the blue prints.

2011: Captain America: The First Avenger.

 _"Captain America in the house," Captain America announces as he strolls into the SHIELD briefing room, which is a small, dark bunker filled with computer screens and high-tech equipment, even though it's 1944. He lowers his aviator sunglasses at the nearest woman and smirks at her. "Hi, Peggy. How's my best girl doin'?"_

 _Peggy Carter rolls her eyes. Her short curls bounce around her face. "Save it, Steve. I told you, I'm not interested."_

 _But as she leaves, her heels loudly clicking on the floor, she gives him an appreciative glance. He is a handsome man, after all. Captain America turns slightly to watch her exit the room._

 _"Rogers, can we please get back to the mission?" the general drawls, and the Captain looks back to the computer screen taking up the entirety of the wall._

 _Mission: Stop the Red Skull, it reads._

 _"Let's get to work then gentlemen," Captain America mutters, seeming not at all bothered by the need for urgency._

 _"Finally," The general murmurs and is met by a glare from the Captain._

"I have no words for that," Steve says, "I just…"

"Channing Tatum is over-rated anyway," Bucky pats Steve's shoulder in apology for the monstrosity on screen.

"I don't know Steve," Natasha grins, "You are pretty hot in this film."

She gets the bowl of popcorn over her head. The rest of the afternoon is spent with her chasing Bucky around who pleads that he's sorry and for Steve to save him. Steve just collapses into laughter, clutching his stomach as it aches.

He's not much help to Bucky then.

But that ends their movie marathon. They're all terrible anyway.

After their binge watching afternoon they go to the Smithsonian. They go in disguises and obviously they are very good disguises, cap and glasses for Steve and a beanie and hoodie for Bucky. Although there is a problem for Bucky; his hair doesn't fit in the damn beanie. It's that long now that he forgoes the beanie and tries, and fails, to hide his mane into the hood.

"You should get it cut," Steve mumbles,

In response to that Bucky checks that no one is around and then proceeds to majestically flick his hair in Steve's direction. Steve is only jealous because he's always stuck with the military style. They wander around both consumed in their heads. This is the first time that Bucky has been here and so Steve lets him, since his first time wasn't given the same courteously due to the large fan groups that had been generated by his mere appearance. Steve remembered that he insisted that Bucky would get an exhibit, even offering half of his property – his images, his belongings. If he didn't get to have Bucky in person then an exhibit wall would have to do. Others would enjoy his story too.

But for Bucky he had never been to the Smithsonian, surrounded by the past so readily. He's having a somewhat off day and his identity is blurry. But he doesn't tell Steve that is the reason he wanted to watch the films.

A girl recognises him. Bucky doesn't know it at first but he can't avoid her stare after a while. "You should tie you hair back," the little girl dressed in pink says to him. He stares down at her, silent, but she continues undeterred. "Mommy says that we need to have our hair tied back or we'll trip over things because we can't see. She makes me wear these –" She displays her wrist, which is encircled by a rainbow of different hair bands and gestures to her own head which is held back, " –Because mine keep falling out. You can't fight evil if you can't see. I want to be a police officer when I'm older so that's kinda needed. Are you a…"

She trails off, her eyes steadily getting bigger. They dart to the large digital image of James Buchanan Barnes, then back to his face. Bucky's eyes dart too, over the exits and the crowd, and to Steve somewhere in the corner – attempting to weave his way round three children without being noticed himself. The little girl has a smile on her face now, an improbable grin that keeps growing.

"You're a hero…" she whispers, "I knew it."

Bucky blinks down at her, thrown off by her words. He's killed a hell of a lot of people but this girl sees him as a hero. Wow.

The girl reins in her wide grin and scans the crowd, "Don't worry, I won't tell. People can't handle the truth. But I can." She turns her shining eyes back to him. Slowly, very slowly, Bucky reaches out – his eyes blinded by Winter Soldier memories. His voice creaks out of him, rusty and strangled, "Can I have a hair tie?"

Without taking his eyes off him, the girl rolls a red one out of the rainbow and hands it over.

Bucky's hair is controlled and he knows who firmly who is again.

He has the little girl to thank for that.

Learn how to social media

\- That doesn't even make sense

\- You get what I mean Bucky

\- But kid's everywhere look up to you, you have to have perfect grammar and shit

\- They're never going to look up to you with that language. AND WHO MADE YOU THE GRAMMAR NAZI!

\- Calm down old man you'll give yourself a heart attack.

\- I'll give you a heart attack

Well it's a good thing that Steve hid the other notebook because this one was so easily compromised.

But back to the topic at hand.

Natasha is the one that's all up to date with social media and she's practically the only one that uses it nearly obsessively in her spare time. It doesn't look like she does but she always comes up with some new gossip from one site or another. One day she decides to try and take a vine of the team. This is a harder task than most because getting all of the Avengers in one room is a rare thing. However, the one night that they all came together are their game nights. It is on one such night where she gets a video of Clint and Sam screaming because they can't freaking beat Steve at Mario Kart.

"YOU WERE FROZEN WHEN VIDEO GAMES WERE MADE." Clint all but screams as he is rammed off the road by Steve, that asshole.

"STOP SAYING YOU'RE ON MY LEFT I CAN SEE YOU PASSING OLD MAN," Sam joins in. Steve just sits there with a wolfish grin on his lips and the controller held loosely in his grip.

"Don't pop a hip Steve, we need you to be able to walk away from these losers," Bucky leans over Steve's shoulders and jabs Sam who glares at him.

Steve looks at Bucky and it is just audible when he says, "I'm sitting down, that's not strenuous at all Buck."

"Punk…"

The video goes viral within hours. The public coo over Avengers domesticity and how good Steve is at Mario Kart.

It's what prompts Steve and Bucky to learn more about the wonders of social media. Natasha is their teacher for this one and she starts with Instagram. The first time Steve posts a selfie, Bucky cockeyed in the background, the site crashes. Oops.

They find that taking pictures instantly whenever they want is really great and technology is actually wonderful. They love it.

There's dumb selfies of them all over DC, of a picture of Steve's ass that is tagged #captainassmerica, and picture after picture of them walking through war memorials, laying flowers on every grave they pass. Nearly all of their photos have them smiling or laughing.

Then one day they make a video of them running past Sam on a morning run, and each time they pass him they scream ON YOUR LEFT. Sam is clearly see jumping in shock and then running faster to catch the smirking pranksters. It goes viral and everyone is making videos of scaring people with the same phrase. In retaliation Sam sneaks up to Steve during dinner and yells in his ear. Steve jumps four feet in the air, chicken and carrots flying with him. They are in his hair as he decks Sam and Bucky is laughing so hard while recording it.

During winter Bucky quietly pounces on Steve and sticks his metal arm up his t-shirt with that very phrase on his lips.

Thor is standing next to Tony on one outing and realizes that is he is on Tony's left. So he proudly announces it because Thor loves Midgardian jokes.

On another run, Sam sweeps past in the air wearing the Falcon costume "On your left bitches!" he screams and Steve and Bucky stop dead and look to the sky in anguish because what have they started.

Clint takes pleasure in dropping from air vents and on occasions he signs it to Steve who smirks in response.

Natasha takes Clint's attempt to heart. It's the only reason for it as she drops from the ceiling of their room yelling "ON YOUR LEFT!" Bucky and Steve have never jumped as high as that before. From then on they decide that Natasha is the queen of pranks and she must never be pranked ever again.

There's so many photos out there that it's tough to pick their favourite. But if they had to pick just one it would be the photo with Steve, Bucky and Sam all holding boxes of Girl Scout cookies. There's such a story behind that:

On the walk back to the tower after a morning run they see a sign about Girl Scout cookies. "Oh, I remember those, they stopped selling them when butter and sugar got rationed." Steve says and then they just have to buy some. But when they get to the table full of star struck seven year olds there are all kinds of varieties and they become star struck themselves.

"What do you mean they still sell Chocolate Mints?" Bucky exclaims,

"They're called Thin Mints now," Sam utters from his place slightly back from the very excited pair.

"Unacceptable. We'll take forty boxes," Steve is taking none of it and they go back to the tower with nearly every box that the girls have. Steve tries to ration the cookies but Bucky is too clever and keeps his secret stashes all around their apartment in the tower. This is because it's easier for him to gorge himself on thin mints whenever he wants to, and Steve can't say anything about it. Steve keeps wondering why Bucky has chocolate stuck in grooves of his metal hand when there aren't any cookies missing from the boxes in the fridge and the pantry, and he slowly realises what's going on. He searches everywhere but for the life of him he can't find Bucky's stash.

They are found, however, when Clint decides to venture further into the air vents in the tower and Steve hears him shout down, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE THIN MINTS DOING UP HERE. YOU HAVE BEEN HOLING OUT ON ME HOW COULD YOU?" This is followed by the sound of someone with an obvious metal appendage flying into the vents at top speed and Barton screaming in the most undignified ever as he comes face to face with the Winter Soldier who has been deprived of his thin mints.

Sam would deny having such a stash himself but when he goes back on his own he overhears the girl scouts talking about the Avengers. "Nah, Falcon is the coolest one, he can fly! With wings! Tony Stark can't do that, neither can Cap." Sam buys every box they have and lugs them, all two hundred of them, back to the Tower. He shares half of them with the others because Clint and Natasha loves thin mints and would claw your hand off if you didn't share, but the other half is all for him.

He nearly cries when Buddy worms his way into one of the boxes somehow.

Yeah that photo is a reminder of just how crazy all of them are.

Then it's Twitter next:

Bucky Barnes official_sergeant

I'm the official jar opener in the tower because everyone else is utterly useless.

Steve Rogers captainass

I just realised that one of my tactics is basically jumping into my opponents arms :/

Steve Rogers captainass

Need to dodge a bullet? Sure, just let me perform a couple of backflips first.

Bucky Barnes official_sergeant

Forget someone's birthday? Convenient amnesia

Don't want to deal with your problems? Convenient amnesia

Steve Rogers captainass

What do you mean someone ripped a door off and tried to fix it with duct tape #wasn'tme

Bucky Barnes official_sergeant

NOTE TO SELF; BIRDS ARE ATTRACTED TO SHINY THINGS, ESPECIALLY A METAL ARM

Buck Barnes official_sergeant

There's plenty of me to go around [detaches arm]

They had the hang of this social media thing. They are more than happy that the happy moments of their lives are spread for the world to see – Bucky likes it because he won't be remembered as the Winter Soldier but as Bucky Barnes because of social media.

The Internet can now see the many adventures that they get up to:

Steve and Bucky have a thumb war which Bucky obviously won because he didn't cheat.

Buddy asleep on Steve's chest while a sketchbook rests partially open on Steve's face.

All the times that Steve rickrolled Bucky and all the times Bucky rickrolled Steve.

Their pillow fights.

Bucky teaching Steve how to waltz properly.

Their food fights with both of them covered head to toe in flour and cookie dough.

Their snuggle sessions.

Them playing twister.

Steve showing Bucky Candy Crush and Farm Ville.

It's all there for everyone, and themselves, to see and remember. Used happily by Steve when Bucky has an off-day and by Bucky when Steve feels sad.

 _Tell Bucky that I love him_

Steve has dreamed of fulfilling this task for so long that he couldn't even pinpoint when officially he fell in love with him. Maybe he had always been in love with, he didn't quite know.

He's had so many ideas on how to do it and on when to do it. The most common thought would be this:

Bucky makes Steve way more reckless than he normally is – like 1000 times more reckless, because you know everything is more fun when you have someone either doing it with you or telling you that it's a stupid idea. Bucky tells him nearly every day, "It's a terrible idea, Steve, oh my god, if you try to jump out of one more plane I will end you, did you hear me I will end you."

He wouldn't ever hear the end of that one.

So, because the Avengers were the Avengers, they would make bets on who could get Steve to do the most ridiculous thing. Clint would be the one to realise that to get Steve to do something stupid would be to get Bucky to say how terrible an idea it was and to not do it.

Steve wouldn't even know that there was any other intention behind the sudden need to do reckless acts.

"Hey, Rogers," Clint would say, "Have you ever tried to jump out of the tower? I mean you have jumped out of buildings before but you haven't tried with this one."

"Can't say that I have," Steve would say, already anticipating what Bucky would say, what his face would look like.

"You're not going to try it," Bucky would say, looming ominously close to him with his arms crossed.

"I bet you'd survive it, or make it to the next building over." Clint would goad and they would both watch as Bucky's face would turn darker shades of seriousness.

"Don't even think about it…" Bucky would try to convince him but it wouldn't work.

"There's only one way to find out," Steve would nod along, "I have to jump off of the roof."

He would be quite serious and go to the roof and be prepared to jump and then Bucky would explode and go off into a tyrant. Steve would probably do the thing, be alright and the pair would hug in their relief. He would then confess his love and everything would be alright. Or he wouldn't even have to do the thing and just shut Bucky up mid-way through a rant in the best way he knew how.

But that was a dream and Steve hadn't confessed yet. But he would. Eventually.

In reality the time when Steve tells Bucky that he loves him it is totally unplanned and unscheduled.

One morning Steve goes to have a shower, like he always does, but instead of the warm spray he is well used to he is met with an icy blast. The pipes must have broken or malfunctioned or something. It doesn't matter. It takes exactly two seconds of cold to remind Steve of the ice, of the sudden impact, of pain and the realization of death, of losing everything he had in moments, in a blink, in a blast…

He's in shock. He's shivering. Naked. Numb.

When Bucky comes back to their suite, he doesn't call out for Steve because it's early and he should still be asleep. Should be is the key word there. Bucky knew from coming in early with lipstick stains on his collar and drink still surrounding his brain back in the day that Steve likes a lie in when he can.

He doesn't expect to hear the sobbing. Steve must be having a nightmare again. He doesn't hesitate, and bare foot and sleep deprived but sweaty, he rushes to his friend's side. Steve had never been a crier and it was only in sleep, when he was most vulnerable, that he allowed himself to cry. But this is not a nightmare. Steve is very much awake and amongst a shaking pile of blankets. There must be at least ten of them and Steve is all tangled up in them, captured in them so tightly it must have been hard to breathe.

After peeling back the blankets Bucky finally sees Steve and he's looking at him, face shiny and sad. The sight of Bucky just makes him cry harder. That is not what Bucky wants, "B-uck, I-I-I wanted to be-" he pulls in a deep, heavy breath "Wanted it to be ov-er before you…" and then he descends into crying again, the hitches in his breath alerting Bucky that a panic attack is close. So very close.

He's surprised, honestly, to find Steve naked under his cocoon but he doesn't stop when he tries to get amongst the blankets with his best friend. Steve stiffens and they both know that it's from shame, but Bucky is warm from his run, sleepy and tired yet comforting. Steve has always been tactile, so Bucky goes with it, pressing close, not bothering that he is sweaty and that probably doesn't feel nice against skin. "Where are you Steve?" He asks, trying to be gentle because he knows that Steve isn't with him right now. He's scared for both of them, especially Steve.

"C-cold," Steve chatters, his breathing just a little bit calmer.

"Just like old times then, huh? Me keeping your skinning ass warm in Brooklyn." Bucky smiles at the memory and moves to cup the back of Steve's neck. They are so close, their breaths combined. Bucky and Steve. "But where are we right now?"

"Avenger Tower. With you."

"That's right, do you know what we are going to do tomorrow?"

"Work?" Because there was always something to fight and somewhere to defend.

Bucky laughs and makes sure it is soft, not humiliating, "Well first I'm going to tell the team and SHIELD to go fuck themselves. But then we're going to go to that park, the one that Sam always walks Buddy at? That's your favourite, isn't it?"

Steve nods.

"It'll just be the two of us. You'll take your sketchbook and draw the landscape like the art nerd you are and I'll take a book of something, maybe read that series you're always going on about, and about every five minutes some nervous little kid is going to come up and ask for a picture and a hug from you. You'll tear up every single time."

"Will not."

"Shush, you big sap, I'm trying to talk here. The sun will be out and you'll be able to feel it on your skin, all nice and warm. Sound all right to you?"

"Yeah," Steve says and clears his throat, "Yeah." They are so close now. They are one person instead of two.

"Do you want me to go change, I can't imagine you want a sweaty Bucky,"

Steve laughs then and the cocoon shakes again, but this time it's good. "God, I love you," then he freezes. Steve notices what he said, and a second later so does Bucky.

"Steven," Bucky knows that he hates it when he calls him that, "Why do you think I jumped out of a train for you," and he knows he didn't exactly jump but the sentiment still stands, "I've been in love with you for as long as I could know what love was."

Steve's feelings just roll off of Bucky's tongue and he relaxes. His best friend loved him. Just as much as he loved him.

Bucky stays that morning. They spend the day in bed, just existing together.

As love declarations go theirs is simple and all that Steve didn't expect. But that's a good thing.

Then the next day they go to the park and they act like any other couple would. They hold hands and sway their combined arms as they walk. They kiss while lying on a park bench.

Most of all they appear in their own little world. They are. Everyone around them gawks but they don't notice. Because they are together and the worlds seem to align. Finally.


	5. The one in which Steve is happy

"Steve,"

Steve groans.

"Steven."

Steve swats a hand at Bucky's arm, they are so close that he actually reaches his target. "Buck, I don't wanna…"

"Get up punk!"

Steve opens his eyes, looking at Bucky who had rolled to face Steve, "I'm not spooning you anymore," Steve says dumbly because he's tired. Bucky laughs at him.

"It's your birthday silly,"

Because it is Steve's birthday. It's his first birthday with Bucky. It's only between them, and Buddy, who is goofily wedged in between his humans, that Steve lets out a squeal.

They stay in bed for most of the morning and then emerge for brunch at a diner.

They go to the park and instead of flying kites like they used to they sing Cher because Bucky secretly loves her music despite his many protests.

"If I could turn back time  
If I could find a way  
I'd take back those words that hurt you  
And you'd stay." Steve sings and jumps onto a park bench.

"If I could reach the stars  
I'd give them all to you  
Then you'd love me, love me  
Like you used to do." Bucky finishes and dances around the bench.

Someone records it and it's breaking news within hours but they don't mind, they don't notice to be honest.

They go back to the Tower and there's a party like Steve has always wanted.

You don't sound happy.

But he realises that this is the first time where he hasn't wished himself a happy birthday because he was the only one, or didn't want to. This is a birthday where he is happy.

It gets to the point where the Avengers, including Thor, are all sitting around the table discussing Mjolnir to realise it:

"I bet anyone could pick the hammer up, you've got to be lying to us," Clint says munching on a mournful of Chinese food.

"Be my guest," Thor replies and Clint is all too happy to comply.

"We won't hold it against you if you can't get it up," Tony jests but it only spurs Clint on more. Clint tries, he really does. His attempt is fit with grunts and groans and severe effort all around but the hammer doesn't budge an inch. "I'm silently judging you Barton," Tony mutters and that is what starts the war.

"Well, please Stark why don't you have a go,"

Tony isn't one to ignore a challenge, "If I lift it then I rule Asgard?" He asks Thor.

"You have my word,"

"Then I'll be a King in two seconds, just you watch." Tony goads. But he fails. His own muscles fail him and then his suit fails him. But he blames Jarvis on that one.

Banner tries for all of his might. He even goes green on one occasion but even the Hulk can't pick it up.

Sam tries it too, but he just ends up flying without the hammer clutched in his grip. Plus he nearly crashed into the ceiling so he'll count himself lucky for now.

"Stevie, I bet you can do it," Bucky pushes because he knows that Steve hates pet names, especially versions of his name.

"Why don't you try it?" Steve enquires,

"Oh, I know that I'm not worthy enough, there's no point lying about it like all of these imbeciles," He's referring to the team of course, who chuck empty Chinese cartons at his head in reply.

"We'll see if I'm worthy," Steve wonders as he wanders over to the hammer and puts his hands around it. The first few attempts don't work, the hammer is fixed in its place on the table. But then when Steve puts his mind to it, braces his foot against the table and placed his face into an expression of sheer concentration, he lifted it. He lifted it.

"Huh, it's not actually that heavy," Because it isn't, it's pretty feather like once he has it held up.

"That's my boy," Bucky slaps his legs and grins. Steve gets him back by putting the hammer into his hands and watching gleefully as Bucky, and Mjolnir, sink like a ship.

The others gawk at him.

The only one that isn't, is Natasha who plucks the hammer from Bucky's grip and puts it back on the table.

Cue more gawking Avengers.

They end the night in colour as they ascend to the roof and watch fireworks. Steve is surprised that Tony hasn't set himself alight when he sets it up. Steve rests in Bucky's arms and when the sky explodes in bright colours they are too interested in each other. The Avengers would complain that there was too much PDA from them.

Their response to that?

Steve flips them off, while he is lip locked with Bucky because there is nothing better than his lips against his. He's missed out on it for so many years.

It's three o'clock in the morning when Bucky and Steve go back to their apartment and quiet is restored to the night.

They giggle like teenagers, smiling and laughing as they bask in memories and in each other.

 _After getting over the initial shock of Steve and Bucky announcing that they were a couple, the Avengers get used to them. But Tony doesn't. There's this thing that he can't stop thinking about. It comes out during a movie night where Steve goes to make popcorn for him and Bucky, and Tony follows him and when he comes back he's just upset and blurting out, "For the last time, Tony, I didn't sleep with you father. Bucky please tell him!"_

 _And Bucky is totally unhelpful as he replies, with a mouthful of popcorn, "Steve did not sleep with your father, Tony." Steve's eyebrows scream 'told you son!' at Tony until Buck finishes his sentence. "But I did." Then it all explodes._

 _Tony dies into a puddle of goo over by the corner. He never forgives Bucky for it. Bucky, meanwhile, enjoys the shade of red Tony goes when Bucky ever says, "Stark."_

 _Another thing that the Avengers never quite get over is how Bucky and Steve flirt now that they are together. They are having yet another movie night, where Bucky leans over Steve suggestively and whispers in his ear, loud enough for everyone else to hear, "I'm no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight."_

 _Everything just stops for a moment._

 _They expect Steve to cringe and turn the colour of a tomato. But he doesn't. He does the opposite of their expectations and snorts soda out of his nose and starts laughing so hard he can hardly breathe._

 _Everyone is shocked because if anything Steve should be scandalized. But they still forget that he was in the army during World War Two._

 _They are all stunned again when Steve finally recovers, "It's a lot more than a few."_

 _Everyone but Steve and Bucky vacates the room. The next day there's a printed rule on the fridge that says that they can't flirt aggressively during movie nights, or whenever the group are all in one room together. They should save that for the bedroom, and they do._

When they finally get to their bed, where Buddy is already asleep, Steve checks under the bed because he already knows that there's something under there.

He rips through the brown paper as delicately but as quickly as he did seventy years ago.

In his hands are a handful of ink drawing pens, a note wedged in between.

 _I promised._

It's at that moment when Bucky whispers in Steve's ear, "I found the notebook too." Steve colours and stammers, "Hey, punk it's cute, you can draw more of me now because I am a fine specimen if I do say so myself."

"God, I love you."

"I love you too, happy birthday Steve."

 **AN: Hey guys, thanks for reading, to be honest this has been completed and published for a while on Movellas because I use that site more. There were some formatting errors yesterday from the copying straight from Movellas but that's all sorted. Hope you enjoy it and you can find the story on Movellas under the same username (born to be free)**


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